Heartbreaks

 




Once I asked my therapist, a tiny little desperate: “What can I do more? What am I missing? What other tools are available??”. The subject: a heartbreak. Those that feel unbearable. Those that feel painful as hell. We’ve been there before, but we forget how horribilis it is. My therapist said smiling what I say to my patients: "nothing; you aren’t missing any steps… it is like that." It 's simply true. It’s normal + OK to feel desperate, sad, numb, depressed, abandoned, rejected, lost, lonely, and in pain. For 6 months, or even a year.

But you don’t have to be, neither do the process, completely alone or in silence. The purge is important. A therapist allows you the perfect set for that.

And then there will be those miraculous moments when you start to bloom again, feeling that you’re over it to yet realize that it might not be so true, afterall. Because a song kicks in that reminds you of both, then another song (CHANGE THE GODDAM PLAYLIST), or you happen to pass by a certain place… the so famous triggers.

Those are the things you actually want to avoid, and that is something you can do. And there lies YOUR POWER. I want to stress however that it is normal to engage in melancholy and nostalgia. It’s ok to sometimes immerse in the whole paraphernalia of pictures + songs + places you use to go + whatsapp voice messages... have a day like that, two days like that, but do whatever you can to NOT have a third. Do not enter in there for your safety and integrity. You’ll be only stretching the pain and no answers nor explanations to give you relief will come from there. The “WHY?!” will only gets louder - because that’s the cute past and no answers come from the cute past.

So, a tip from your therapist, human as you: after a breakup allow you time to heal, experience the whole stages: cry, feel hurt, feel broken, miss the person, do the remembering if you must, and then move on onto: other music than what you heard together, other streets and avenues, engage in one new activity/ hobby / creative exploration, wear your favorite colors (this is mandatory), and have regular therapy sessions <3 I promise you: it will feel better within a few months <3 there’s nothing wrong with you <3 

Yes?

Love,

Catarina 
Local: Portugal

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